Let's talk about your but

You may not know it, but you likely have a problem with your but. This may be something that has plagued you for a while, maybe has prevented you from doing things you know you need or want to do. Maybe problems with your but have made you feel crappy and uncomfortable. Undoubtedly, your but issues have kept you from reaching your goals.

Tell me if this is familiar to you:

“I know I need to start working out again BUT I feel overwhelmed when I go to the gym.”

or

“I want to eat healthier BUT I don’t do the grocery shopping in my house so I don’t have any control over the food situation.”

or, my personal favorite:

“I know I need to lose weight and get in shape BUT I just don’t have the time.”

Do you have big dreams of getting stronger, looking better, feeling more energized, and being overall healthier, yet you can’t seem to get started? Do the above statements (or an alternative but similar version) ring true for you? If so, you have a but problem. Not to worry…but problems are quite common and the cure is quite simple.

So what exactly is the problem?

Let’s begin by taking apart the above statements. What they all have in common is their structure. Before the BUT, you will find a goal: something you know you need to do or want to do (or both) to make your life better.

Then comes the BUT — the big giant but that gets in the way and squashes whatever happens to be in its area. The BUT is where goals die. But why?

Because what follows the BUT is an excuse. Whatever comes after the but may go by different names like “reasons” or “justifications,” but let’s be real — they’re excuses. What follows the but is some sort of limiting belief. It’s the arrow that tears a hole in the happy balloon of goals and positive intentions.

So what’s the cure for your but problem?

AND. Try changing your BUT to AND. We limit ourselves so much by thinking that if something is hard, it can’t be done. If there is an obstacle, it must be some kind of divine intervention telling us a healthy lifestyle is just not in the cards right now. Then we simply shrug our shoulders and continue doing what we’re doing, hoping that someday some quick fix will come along that will give us the results we want in short order…It sounds like crap to you too, right?

Let’s see what happens when we change BUT to AND:

“I know I need to start working out again AND I feel overwhelmed when I go to the gym, so I will ask for help or hire a trainer to show me what to do.”

“I want to eat healthier AND I don’t do the grocery shopping in my house so I don’t have any control over the food situation, so I will gain control over my food situation by asking the person who grocery shops to pick up what I need to make healthy food. If they bring home junk instead, I will go get my own food.”

“I know I need to lose weight and get in shape AND I just don’t have the time, so I will restructure my schedule to make time.”

When you change BUT to AND, you can accept that it is possible to have a goal and an obstacle at the same time, and they can coexist. It also gives you the opportunity to challenge your excuse — your limiting belief — and find a way to make the work towards your goals happen. You give yourself the opportunity to get uncomfortable, and you give yourself the opportunity to use that obstacle as a stepping stone to overcome and push you to something greater.

In your own work, I encourage you to become mindful of your limiting beliefs, and see them for what they really are, which are excuses. If you are truly committed to a goal — if you want something bad enough — you will find a way. Try writing down your excuses as you catch yourself creating them: write down what comes after the BUT, and then write down a challenge by changing your BUT to AND, and then deciding how you will overcome the obstacle. If you practice this consistently, you will soon be able to eliminate your excuses and accomplish your goals.